Scott's Year in Shirts #59 - "Hungry Like The Wolf"

Ah, the early 90's wolf t-shirt, a trailer park favorite. Sort of makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit just looking at it. Also, apparently a great conversation starter for crazy people at laundromats, according to the weird guy who came up to me today and said "Hey, nice wolf shirt. I remember those. Have you ever owned a wolf?"

Scott's Year in Shirts #58 - "Peachland"

Howdy! I'm Peetie, the Peachland road runner! Here at Peachland, we want you to know that we're always willin' to "go the extra mile" for you, our devoted customers. Heck, we've been making customers smile since before you was born, I reckon. Now, you may be asking yourself, "what in the hell is Peachland and how do I get there?" Well that's a great question, and I'm glad you asked!

Scott's Year in Shirts #57 - "Say No To Real Jobs"

Since quitting my 9-5 job at the end of last year, life has been incredibly relaxed and productive for me. These days I rarely get out of bed before 9 a.m. My commute is 12 feet from the bed to the couch, where I read and analyze 2-3 scripts a day, usually in a robe or my underwear. Then it's an afternoon of writing my own stuff, a few reruns of The Cosby Show and then the wife gets home. Yup. Life is good.

Scott's Year in Shirts #56 - "Smoke-free Koreatown"

I've got nothing against smoking ordinances, but when it comes to Koreatown, I think there might be bigger fish to fry. How bout lets work towards a murder-free Koreatown first, or maybe an insane vagrant-free Koreatown? And while we're at it, can we put a lock on the men's room at the El Pollo Loco on Western and Venice Ave?

Scott's Year in Shirts #55 - Cornell Hockey

"I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses - hot! Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter! Then quick nap at my place, then we hit the tizzown!" --- Andy Bernard.

Scott's Year in Shirts #54 - "Don't Mess With Texas"

In 1986 the Fabulous Thunderbirds were tasked to come up with a unique, catchy theme song for the new "Don't Mess With Texas" slogan. So what did they do? They took the melody to their song "Tuff Enuff" and changed the lyrics from "Ain't that tuff enuff" to "Don't you mess with Texas." And they sang it. Over and over again. Ad nauseum. Texas, you get an A for refusing to be messed with. But Fabulous Thunderbirds, you get an F for being lame.

Scott's Year in Shirts #53 - "My Other Jesus is a Camaro"

He's a rare breed, the Camaro-driving churchgoer. This is a man that finds a way to balance his love for Jesus with his love for his Camaro. This man wakes up every Sunday morning, no matter how hungover from the night before, puts on an acceptable button-up shirt and jeans, reinstalls the T-tops on the Camaro, then drives that son-of-a-gun right to glory.

Scott's Year in Shirts #52 - "McGauley Reunion 1983"

I have no idea how the McGauleys did it in 1983, but back in my childhood, family reunions consisted of nearby kinfolk stopping by, a little potluck, some talk about who recently died, some front yard nerf football, some talk about who's getting ready to die, some watermelon around a picnic bench, naps, some talk about which medicines people are taking in order to avoid dying, and lots and lots of sweet tea.

Scott's Year in Shirts #51 - "Yellow Horse"

I discovered something troubling at the dog park today. I think my dog may be homophobic. I don't get it. I didn't raise him this way. There's no need to go ballistic just cause some other male dog is sniffing your junk, Fischer. Take it down a notch. This has nothing to do with the shirt I'm wearing today, but what can you say about this horse other than he's yellow, looks pretty happy and is moving to the right?

Scott's Year in Shirts #50 - "Barack To The Future"

There was once a time, before it was cool to like the New Orleans Saints, before Bump-its and Snuggies were all the rage, before Taco Bell's Drive-thru diet, when it was actually cool to like Barack Obama. I sort of miss those days. But the honeymoon's over, I guess. And while I haven't given up "hope" just yet, the thrill is gone. But we'll always have 2008, Barack, and this t-shirt.

Scott's Year in Shirts #49 - "Carnival '86"

Hey Joey, Bobby! Remember that summer when we all got shitty jobs so we could buy tickets to the Ratt concert? Joey, I think you mowed yards. Bobby, you worked at Burger King. And I got a job at that carnival in the old K-Mart parking lot. Well I was goin' through my sister's dresser yesterday and look what I found! My old work shirt! How bout that? Hey, is Ratt still together? We should see if they're touring!

Scott's Year in Shirts #48 - "Cats"

I'm a big fan of cats, the creature. The musical? Can't say that I've ever seen it. But Georgie here has. She says the character she identifies with most is Grizabella, the former glamour cat who has seen the rough side of the outside world. And according to Georgie, if I were in the cast, I would be Skimbleshanks, the railroad cat. Who knew?

Scott's Year in Shirts #47 - "Here I Am"

I have no idea who created this shirt or the circumstances that would require it to exist. But the fact is, it does exist, and we must deal with it. My version of it's history is that it belonged to a fun-spirited serial killer who announced his arrival while wearing it. In reality, it was probably made by some loser who thought it would be funny to wear to a party. But that's no fun, is it?

Scott's Year in Shirts #46 - "He-Man and the Masters of The Universe"

This shirt from '83 really takes me back to my childhood. I loved these toys when I was a kid. I had all of them too, and Castle Greyskull. My He-Man phase was before my G.I. Joe phase, which was before my WWF wrestling toys phase, which was before my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles phase. I had a lot of phases.

Scott's Year in Shirts #45 - "I'm Too Sexy"

Nothing says "Happy Valentines Day" like an early 90's Right Said Fred reference. Just wearing this shirt makes me feel sexy, in some ways a little too sexy. I haven't yet ventured out in public with this shirt, as I fear the whistles from random women and demands for me to "take it off!" will just be too much. So far, it has indeed been too sexy for my cat.

Scott's Year in Shirts #44 - "Branson"

Branson, Missouri,  the "real home of country music." Uh, yeah, OK. And Athens, TX is the "real home of the hamburger."  Pull-eease. I guess if you like Wayne Newton, Charo and Tony Orlando, then yeah, go to Branson. I'd recommend everyone else go to Lubbock.

Scott's Year in Shirts #43 - "Lincoln"

Happy birthday, Abraham Lincoln. You're in good company!

Scott's Year in Shirts #42 - "30"

I figured with one more day left of my 30th year I should finally celebrate hitting the big 3-0. So here it is, my 30th birthday celebration. On the last day possible. In a horrific shirt that shouldn't exist. That's two sizes too big. That no one should ever wear. Ever.

Scott's Year in Shirts #41 - "Fender Mustang"

I've owned a lot of guitars in my life, mostly junk, but never owned a decent Fender.  All my friends had those crappy Squier guitars. The one time I had $700 to blow on a guitar, I bought a black Les Paul Studio. It was heavy and wouldn't stay in tune and made me look like a wanker, so I sold it. Now I just have an old beater acoustic. It suits me fine.

Scott's Year in Shirts #40 - "Feisty Piranhas"

Guess who got a haircut, shaved and looks 12 again? That's right, the guy in the Feisty Piranhas shirt. Apparently the Feisty Piranhas are a band of some sort. A quick Google search directs me to their website, which contains an audio sample that sounds like Green Day farting through a Radio Shack microphone, which is what Green Day sounds like themselves these days. But God bless 'em for trying.

Scott's Year in Shirts #39 - "All Star Walking Club"

Whose got two legs and is pretty good at putting one foot in front of the other? ----> This guy. With this shirt I'm able to tell the world I'm a member of a very exclusive club - a select group whose members have mastered the art of... walking. Pole vaulting? I'll Pass. Sprinting? I'll take a rain check. Walking? That I can do.

Scott's Year in Shirts #38 - "Super Sunday"

Today's the big day! Superbowl XIX! Will Joe Montana and Roger Craig lead the 49ers to victory, or will Dan Marino and the Dolphins claim the 1985 world championship? I can't wait to find out!

Scott's Year in Shirts #37 - "The Beatles"

Today in Beatles History: Feb. 6, 1968 - George Harrison records vocals for "The Inner Light" with George Martin at the controls. Paul McCartney lays down instrumental parts for "Lady Madonna." Today in Scott's History: Feb. 6, 2010 - woke up at 10 a.m. Got the oil changed in the Versa. Went to Ralph's and picked up some Corona Light on sale. Later realized my fly was down the whole time.

Scott's Year in Shirts #36 - "Deer John"

To celebrate the release of what's bound to be another cliche-ridden Nicholas Sparks' sapfest, "Dear John" (in theatres today), I decided to wear this deer shirt, which is in no way relevant except that the word deer sounds like dear. So let's all put on our best deer shirts, grab our girls and go out and fall in love all over again.

Scott's Year in Shirts #35 --- "No Respect!"

"Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?"  --- Confucius

"I think you're pretty tough, don't I?" ---- Daffy Duck

Here's an old sleep shirt from 1984. Tag says XL but this thing fits like a medium... Either that or I'm getting fat.

Scott's Year in Shirts #34 - "Jazzercise"

FACT: Jazzercise was invented by an Illinois housewife in 1969. FACT: Jazzercising is fun and heart-healthy. FACT: Ronald McDonald Jazzercises daily, sometimes while consuming Filet of Fish sandwiches. FACT:  Three out of four dentists recommend Jazzercising between meals. FACT: In 1983, an overweight Minneapolis mother of four was Jazzercised to death in front of her children. FACT: Jazzercising can take your mind off of how bankrupt every other area of your life is, if only for 30 exhilarating minutes. These are the facts, people.

Scott's Year in Shirts #33 - "Amy's Playground"

I don't wear this shirt much because it creeps me out. I don't know what an "Amy's Playground" is. I'm not sure if I want to know either. Could be a day care center, some kind of euphemism, or, based on the eyes of the stick children that go there, a place where kids are given cocaine and sent out to play.

Scott's Year in Shirts #32 - "Modern Time Machines"

If Brian Wilson, Billy Corgan and Thom Yorke had a three-way and somewhere in the San Fernando Valley a virgin gave birth nine months later, the baby would likely grow up to form a band that sounded something like the L.A.'s own "Modern Time Machines." I picked up this shirt at one of their shows at a bowling alley in Eagle Rock. It's got Deloreans with wings on it. What's not to love?