Scott's Year in Shirts #271 - "I Can Has a Litel Dreidel?"

I was going to wear this shirt on a Jewish holiday, but since I no longer live in Valley Village, don't have a job and don't spend much time looking at calendars, I have no idea when they are. Maybe I got lucky and did wear it on one.

Scott's Year in Shirts #269-270 - "Harvard/Holy Schnikes"

Sometimes when I wear this shirt people will ask me if I went to Harvard. I usually reply "no, I just bought the shirt" or "yes, I took the tour, got the shirt and then left." Not once have I pretended that I'm an actual Harvard alum. Maybe I should. It worked that one time I lied and said I went to U.T.

Holy Shnikes, what a night I've had. What started as a low key chicken fried steak dinner followed by the Bears/Packers game turned into an impromptu trip to the emergency room and six stitches administered by a "physician's assistant" named Stoner. You can't make this stuff up, folks. Everyone's OK, by the way.

Scott's Year in Shirts #267-268 - "Cash/Cows"

I meant to wear this Johnny Cash t-shirt on the 7th anniversary of his death on Sept. 12, but like a large number of my t-shirts, it temporarily got misplaced in the cross country move. But it's been found, and it's time to remember the "man in black" by singing "Ring of Fire," doing a little cocaine and destroying some dressing room sinks.

"Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull around here goes on forever." It's quite a statement, but not very moo-ving. In some ways, it's utter-ly ridiculous. How dairy someone put that on a shirt? I think I'm going to milk this one for all it's worth.

Scott's Year in Shirts #266 - "TI-83"

I don't know much about the TI-83, but back when I was in high school they were passing around TI-82's like they were going out of style. It was the calculator to have. I remember sitting in the back of my Algebra class typing Metallica lyrics into my calculator instead of equations. So angsty. So rebellious. So lame.

Scott's Year in Shirts #265 - "Philippe's"

It's been almost a month since I left Los Angeles for Texas, and the thing I miss the most (besides the people) is the food. You just can't get a french dip in Texas like you can at Philippe's. I miss the lines, the sawdust on the floor, and the 1/4 mile walk from Union Station. I have a feeling I'll be back to see you sometime soon, Philippe!

Scott's Year in Shirts #264 - "USCG Academy"

There's likely not a less qualified or suited person to actually join the coast guard than me. I never learned how to swim. A hole in my left eardrum keeps me from getting water in that ear. I'm not patriotic. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let that keep me from owning a t-shirt with clip art as cheesy as this one.

Scott's Year in Shirts #263 - "I Love Jesus, Jesus Loves You"

There's a religious billboard on Interstate 45 that depicts a man slumped down with his head and his hands, obviously hitting rock bottom. Above the man is the sentence "Nothing's too hard for God." Every time I pass by it, I giggle, because I can't stop my inner monologue from saying "Oh yeah? I've got something that's too hard for God."